HABANERO
INSIGHTS
Do you feel like you are living a lie.
For Men Needing clarity about life
and Relationships
Fireside Chat – by HabaneroQuiet company and a real conversation. A place to talk and be heard.For moments when the world feels heavy, or when you just want calm, human connection.Completely confidential.
Available in 30- or 60-minute sessions.
False Pillars
Quiet Horrors of Everyday Devotion
Demolishing ‘My Rock’
From the series False Pillars:
Quiet Horrors of Everyday Devotion
She arrived early and parked the barrow beside the café door.
Inside, she ordered her usual and waited while they cleared space.
It took two staff to lift the rock into the chair opposite her.
They didn’t ask. They never did anymore.
“You’re my rock,” she said lovingly once it was settled.
A few customers smiled politely, the way people do when they can’t decide if something’s touching or extremely odd.
She was so happy that she had found “Her Rock”, she didn’t care what anyone thought.
When the staff wiped tables around them, she smiled.
They moved carefully, respectful, like priests in a small chapel.
She liked that. She liked how certain everything felt.
The rock didn’t move. He never did. He was too busy concentrating on being solid.
“You’re my rock.” She said proudly.
As if his stillness were proof of strength.
Solid. Silent. Emotionally geological.
Exactly what everyone dreams of, a lump with good intentions.
She sipped her coffee.
Across from her, the rock absorbed light, sound, and whatever part of her wanted to speak.She liked that he never interrupted.
His food went untouched as usual.
He was too busy being a Rock to eat.
They even trained together. It was so rewarding having his presence there.
Just observing.
She got home and hauled him into his favourite chair by the fire, with great difficulty.
She made him his favourite hot drink, set his book up for him to read and placed his specs on him, a lot of good any of that would do though.She knew this was taking a toll on her but she loved him.
Later that night she tucked him into bed and thought wistfully of their earlier passionate days and wondered where they had gone.But she had designated him to be her rock. What else could she expect.
Morning came and as usual she put him in his chair in the sun room and gave him his usual beverage.
She whispered occasionally, “You’re my rock,”
meaning, Stay exactly as you are, forever, so I don’t have to face myself.
Days blurred. She stopped meeting anyone elsewhere.
If a place couldn’t fit the barrow, she didn’t go.
Routine hardened around her like cement.
The air of her life settled, unmoving.
It stopped being comfort and started being archaeology.She called it stability, but she was eroding away.
This wasn’t partnership.
This was sediment management.
Being called someone’s rock was supposed to sound flattering. (To Whom)
She said it often, as if repetition could make it true.
She didn’t notice how strange it was, putting on a show for others of her Rock.
praising herself for loving something that never responded.
Nothing about it was healthy. It was steadiness without a life.
A static landform mistaken for safety.
Although it had sounded noble, steady, dependable, “My Rock”
actuality meant:
I plan to lean on you all the time and
for you to stay perfectly still while I do it. You cannot have a personality of your own. That won’t work.He obliged to both of their detriments.
She brushed crumbs from its surface ( unpaid emotional scaffolding )
no spark, no will, nothing. Just constant reliability.
Sadly they had been brought up to conform to these paralysing phrases of decomposition and rot, in the guise of Power, strength and solidarity.
The barrow waited outside, streaked with rust now.
It was easier now; she’d learned the balance, the tilt of weight.
Spring turned to summer.
The rock dulled from touch.
Smooth. Familiar. Shrinking.Then one morning she saw the crack.
A thin white vein running through the middle.
She reached out, thumb tracing it.
“Wow,” she whispered. “You’ve changed.”
Yes from solid to gravel.
“My rock.”
It was never a compliment.
Only a sentence she repeated until it sounded kind.
A quiet arrangement of control dressed as care.
A job she invented for something that never applied for it.She lifted the pieces that had fallen off back into the barrow,
tucked her napkin over them like a shroud,
and wheeled it home through the rain.Tomorrow she’d find another one.
There was always another one.
She couldn’t live without a Rock. It would mean facing life on her own which meant growth and discovery of who she really was and that was terrifying.And the Rock. Well he just accepted his fate as he too was afraid of being a nobody without her dependence on him.
Two lost souls, ruled by fear, who never found out who they really were.
The Naked Truth
Echoes of control
She or He’s my Rock
Implies stability, support, love, reliability. Appears flattering, romantic, admirable
What do you see
Reality
Dead. Inanimate object. Needs to be carried everywhere. The designated rock has no personality. It has no response to anything and gives nothing back.
Who really benefits from this.
These cliches come from societal constructs via control mechanisms such as religion and politics etc who work hand in hand to control society for their benefit not yours.
This is programming you to settle so that you never discover who you really are. This is self betrayal.
The person relying on the rock is preventing that rock from pursuing their own identity. That rock is constantly swayed by guilt if they do not remain a rock. Eventually the rock cracks from the load.
The rock is often constantly subjected to emotional blackmail.
Neither parties concerned grow and discover who they are and then later in life they mourn the loss of this and there are many devastating consequences.
Who assigned this role to who.
Dismantling the Bullshit.
What were the reasons for adopting this role.
While there is nothing wrong with building a mutually good understanding and support of each others strengths and weaknesses inside a healthy relationship, this is often taken for granted in an unhealthy manner.
It usually creates an unhealthy dependency and the “rock” is carrying a weight that isn’t theirs, usually on their own as well as carrying their own weight.
It suppresses identity. The one being leant on becomes defined by the other’s needs. An extension of that person as opposed to their own being. Often suppressing themselves in sacrifice of the other’s.
Often derives their sense of importance from this.
Suggests incompleteness in the one making the statement.
Who does this serve ultimately.
It Perpetuates subtle control loops: the “rock” feels constantly responsible, the leaner avoids accountability and stays in a state of helplessness in order to keep the rock present in its role.
About Me
I created Habanero Insights
because most men don’t have anyone who will help them see clearly — without agenda, or distortion.I have three sons, and most of my closest friends are men.
For the majority of my life I have observed and experienced the destruction of human beings caught in the traps of unhealthy relationships, governed by erroneous social constructs and expectations.I have a wealth of life experience and knowledge which I have used, to help many friends cut through the bullshit and change direction fast, before their lives and others are permanently damaged.If something in your life or relationship isn’t working, and you’re ready to stop pretending it is, that’s where we begin.In our sessions, I help you to see the truth behind the stories you’ve been living by.My aim is for you to make actionable decisions today with no upsells or keeping you as a client. You rebook only if you want to.
Everything starts and ends with you
ROOT KILL
STRIPPING THE LIE AT THE SOURCE
Every session is direct and focused. We strip away excuses and false stories, get to the truth fast, leaving you knowing exactly what to do next—without guilt or second‑guessing.
All topics are covered not just these.
Click on a topic for more.
For Men Facing the Weight of Life
Are you tired of holding it all together and feeling lost inside.
Is holding it in, holding you back from life.
Navigating relationships
Intimacy & desire
When you’re in a relationship—and stuck between staying and leaving
Sex - Love - or Confusion
Sex isn’t the problem. The lies around it are.
GUILT, OBLIGATION & EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
You feel like the bad guy for wanting out.Are you being emasculated and gaslit.You’re being manipulated-through guilt, love, through the story that you “owe” someone your life.This is where you get your perspective back, and stop being handled.
All sessions are for adults 18+.
FEELING TRAPPED BUT UNABLE TO LEAVE
You know you should leave—but fear, guilt, or uncertainty keeps you stuck. This session helps you face what’s really holding you there, so you can finally act.”
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
FAST TRACK EXIT – FOR MEN ALREADY HALFWAY OUT
You’ve already left — emotionally, mentally and sexually,
but you’re still physically there.You you don’t know how to end it without fallout.This session helps you get clear and move forward without dragging it out.
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
PRESSURED INTO MARRIAGE, BABIES, OR A LIFE YOU NEVER CHOSE
Are you being pressured into Marriage, Babies, or a Life You Never ChoseAre you being pushed to settle down—marry her, have kids, or commit to a life path you know isn’t right for you?Maybe your family expects it. Maybe she’s made it clear that time is running out.Deep down, you know this isn’t the life you want, but guilt, fear, or pressure makes it hard to say no.This session helps you stand firm before you take a step you can’t undo—so you can choose freely instead of being trapped by expectation.
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
For Men Facing the Weight of Life
• Feeling lost or stuck
• Rebuilding after breakdowns
• Identity, purpose, and meaning
• Power dynamics with family, friends, or work
• Self-worth beyond social roles
• Knowing when to walk away
• Letting go of false paths
Most men were never taught how to speak about what matters ,only how to hold it together, but silence doesn’t make it disappear.
It just turns into tension, distance, or damage.
This is. about moving forward - on your terms.
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
Navigating Relationships Intimacy & Desire
• You’re in a relationship—but you’re not happy in it
• Maybe there’s no sex. Maybe you’re walking on eggshells.
• Maybe one or both of you has checked out completely
• You’ve tried being patient. Being the good man. Being what she said she wanted
• Now you’re stuck between guilt, confusion, and thinking, I can’t do this anymore
•Wanting connection but feel trapped when it turns into pressure, neediness or control.
•Maybe it’s the other way around—you want to stay, but she’s already out.This session helps you face that reality, see your options clearly, and decide how to move forward with dignity and self‑respect.”
You don’t need advice. You need clarity
All sessions are for adults 18+.
So many men stay in sexless relationships. That kind of loyalty costs more than most men realise until it’s too late. No more suffering in silence witth
Relational burnout, Guilt, Lack of sex, pressure to be someone you’re not and to be with someone you don’t want to.
Sex - Love - or Confusion
• You want sex,but somehow, it’s become complicated in your relationship.
• You’re told it’s wrong to want too much an that you are immature or dirty.
• Desire gets used against you, and love starts to feel like a trap.
You were told to chase her. Told to want it. Told to earn it
• Then punished for wanting it. Judged for being honest about it
• If you’re done second-guessing yourself, this is where we strip it back.
This session helps you untangle whether you’re in love, just attached, or simply craving desire and what to do with the answer.
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
For Men Facing the Weight of Life
Foundational Reset
For the man who needs one clear insight to move again.
£77
Clarity Beyond Guilt
Deconstruct the internal pressure patterns and return to clarity.
£144
Stability Rebuild
This is for the man rebuilding after collapse—untangling social constructs, belief restructuring, inner architecture repair.
£222
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
Navigating Intimacy & Desire
Recalibration
For the man who doesn’t know how to say what’s wrong—but knows something’s not right.
£77
Clarity Beyond Guilt
Untangle shame, obligation, and silent resentment. Find your real boundary and voice.
£144
Desire Realignment
For men in relationship spirals. Realign needs, signals, and sovereign clarity—without drama.
£222
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
Sex - Love - or Confusion
Attachment Deconstruction
Decode the internal scripts keeping you in chaos—emotional and sexual.
£144
Full Recoding Session
Rewire the story you’ve been trapped in—love, worth, and longing get reset.
£222
All sessions are for adults 18+
Decision Time
Quick Insight Session
Get straight to the core issue and leave with a clear next move.
£160
Deep Work Session
We dismantle the structures holding you back and rebuild a path forward.
£300
Fireside Chat
For when you just need a conversation with someone
£160
£300
One session is often all you need.
Book again only if you want to go deeper or if new challenges come up
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+
Fireside Chat
For when you just need a conversation with someone
£160
£300
PRIVATE CLARITY SESSIONS
One clean strike through looping desire/doubt.
£77
Reset & Reframe Session
Decode the internal scripts keeping you in chaos—emotional and sexual.
£144
Deep Work Session
For layered entanglements. Structural belief collapse & signal reroute.
£222
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
Your Final Cut Question
One clean strike through looping desire/doubt.
£25
Thank you for booking
With me
Everything starts and ends with you
Habanero Insights Terms & Booking Policy
Age
By booking I confirm that I am 18+
Service Nature
These sessions offer emotional clarity, presence, and grounded conversation. This is not therapy. I do not diagnose, treat, or offer medical advice. What I offer is insight, calm, and truth — not fantasy, roleplay, or performance.
Confidentiality
Everything shared remains private. Unless risk of harm is disclosed, nothing is shared.
Payment & Bookings
All payments through Stripe/TidyCal are final. Booking is confirmed only once payment is processed.
Cancellation & Rescheduling
Please cancel or reschedule at least 24 hrs in advance. No refunds within 24 hrs. Thus far, refunds outside that include a 5% processing fee.
Emotional Resposibility
You consent to direct, challenging inquiry. While insights may feel intense, emotional outcomes are your own process.Any decisions or actions you take after the session are solely your responsibility. Habanero Insights accepts no liability for outcomes resulting from personal choices.
Insurance & Professional Integrity
I hold Professional Indemnity and Public Liability insurance appropriate to clarity work. This is not therapy, and I am not a therapist.
Scope & Limitations
We do not diagnose, treat, or offer medical advice. If your needs are clinical, I will refer you to a specialist.
Privacy
Your email and messaging info will only be used for session-related purposes and not sold or shared.
Jurisdiction
These sessions are provided from the United Kingdom and governed by UK law. It is the responsibility of the client to ensure participation is permitted under their local laws.
All clarity sessions are for adults 18+.
By booking, you agree to the Terms & Conditions.